Alex Ovechkin, we're breaking up with you.

Not only have you been cheating on us with the lovely and talented Maria Kirilenko, you never return our phone calls, and you moved without leaving a forwarding address.

But, don't worry. We'll be OK -- after all, Washington, D.C., just got a little hotter.

Meet the Washington Nationals' new pitcher, Gio Gonzalez. We really have a lot in common with him.

He's 26 (just like us), easy on the eyes (just like us), and his fastball clocks 95 m.p.h. (just like we do in our dreams). Did we mention his paychecks, give or take a few million bucks, are just about the same as ours? (Hey, it's hard, as successful women in this economy, to find someone who can go dutch at Starbucks!)

Gio comes to us from the Oakland Athletics. (Hey! We were just in Oakland.) The Nationals actually traded four players for him: Derek Norris, A.J. Cole, Brad Peacock and Tommy Milone. (We've always said we each do the work of four people.)

So, Ovi, as you can see, we really do have a lot in common with our new sports boyfriend, which is why we're so breaking up with you. Unless, of course, you acknowledge our presence, answer our calls, and agree to give us a private tour of your new house?

Obviously, Alex, it's not you ... it's us.


Love always,
Team Glittarazzi

P.S. Just in case you forgot, our number is 202.450.4692. Call us! XoXo

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Photo: Gio arrives in Washington, D.C., this morning. Credit - Mark Wilkins, glittarazzi.com

Photo: Gio in his new uniform. 

Photo: Gio, doing what he does ... looking hot.